I’m not a big Sex & the CIty fan, but damn I wish I could write like Carrie Bradshaw. I wish I had the “it” factor when I wrote…you know, the kind of spin on words that makes readers fall in love with you. I wanted to be a journalist for a long time, and I’m not really sure why I gave up that dream. I tell myself and others that it’s because it’s a much too competitive field for me, and if you’re going to start out as a reporter at some newspaper, then it isn’t always the most reliable. But when it comes down to it, I think I just gave up. I think I saw everyone around me and thought, “There’s no way I can do this.” I don’t think I had the confidence then. I kind of wish I would have stuck with it though. I don’t know where I’d be right now if I had, but there’s definitely still a part of me who loves to see my random thoughts flow into words, creating coherent sentences that seem to make sense… to me anyway.
So I just got to thinking… is everything in my life going to be average? I know I’m 22 years old, and I have plenty of time to figure out what lies ahead of me. But in reality, nearly a quarter of my life is over and I haven’t got a fucking clue. Anyone I run into in education can tell you five reasons why they want to be a teacher. All my friends can tell me exactly what excites them about the world of journalism, sales and PR. I on the other hand, I couldn’t tell you what in God’s name I’m going to do in November when I get out of here. I don’t have the faintest idea. So, am I going to settle for average? Everyone around me is landing jobs in cities that make them happy, living in fabulous apartments and making it in the so-called “real world.” At this point, I don’t even know if I’m settling for mediocre because I really don’t even know what I DO want. Where do I want to live? How am I going to make a living? What kind of job do I want to get? These are the questions you ask yourself when beginning your college education. Of course, it is in my nature to consider these things only after completing four years of a degree.
I know I don’t have to script my life at age 22, but everyone around me at least seems to have a rough draft. Subconsciously I keep telling myself that at no point in time do I EVER want to live my life according to a prewritten script. Life is but a spontaneous journey, and it’s best if you don’t know what’s coming next, right? Well, that’s all fine and grand until you’ve got health insurance, car insurance, rent and bills to pay. How are we supposed to seize the day, carpe diem, live for the moment, if we’re constantly held to societal obligations and restrictions? I don’t know…here I am complaining again. But hey, I warned you it might be like this.
i can’t spell it out for you.