Yesterday, on the six month anniversary of the first time Rob and I decided we actually wanted to spend copious amounts of time together, we moved in together. Like, his stuff and my stuff under the same roof – share your utility bills – officially say things like “our” and “we” live together. Every time he comes home from work, I will be here. Every time I want to lay around in my sweats eating entire boxes of Kraft macaroni and cheese while watching Law & Order SVU reruns, he will be here. Scary, huh?
No. It’s really not. To be honest, in a world of total uncertainty and lack of focus, moving in together is one of the few things in my life that makes perfect sense. I’m certain – without a doubt in my mind – that this is one of the best decisions I’ve made in my twenties, and I will confidently say that until proven otherwise (and let’s hope I’m not, right?). The truth is, most of my blogging up until this point has been about not knowing what you want – you’re expected to make some pretty life changing decisions in your twenties, and I’m no stranger to being completely aware that my life hasn’t exactly worked out “according to plan.” And let’s face it – while we’d all love to play the movie star who abandons her current life in pursuit of the wonderful unknown, the reality is that most of us are faced with college debt, credit card bills, rent and basically every other financial string you can think of.
So I’m here. And I’ve been here, since November 2008 to be exact. And since then, I’ve been making bigger plans. Plans to leave Ohio, leave my job, and leave behind a life that I never wanted to live when I was imagining my perfect post-grad life. But what I didn’t realize is that the only plan I had was to not be here. Don’t move back to Dayton, don’t work for the family business, don’t settle down in a dying town. Don’t, don’t, don’t. I didn’t realize until recently that I didn’t have a “do” plan. I had dreams of going south, but never considered the fact that my family wouldn’t be there. I decided I’d settle for any job, just as long as I could be away from Ohio, but never considered the fact that I had no idea what I wanted to do for a living. The only goal I had was to get the hell outta dodge, because I was so hung up on the stereotype of being back in the hometown we all desperately fled after high school. Being here meant I had failed.
Enter October 2011. I have a mortgage and a house I’m beyond proud of in a quaint, suburban neighborhood with awesome walking paths and neighborhoods to run through. I have family close by, and I’m lucky enough that they’re not the invasive type, which makes them perfect company and very useful resources for things like pet sitting, home projects and other things for which I have no experience. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to appreciate them as people, not just parents, and I am so incredibly grateful that I have such an awesome support system. I have a job that yes, while I sometimes regret having gone down the path I chose, I am fortunate enough to feel like a valuable member of a business that wishes nothing but the best for me, whether that be with the company or elsewhere. I have some really great friends here – and while my immediate social circle has dwindled due to career opportunities and life pursuits outside of this city, I take comfort in knowing that some of my closest friends – if not here – are only a short drive or plane ride away. I also relish in the fact that because I opted for a not so pristine lifestyle in a city with seriously intense living costs, I am able to do things like vacation to awesome new places, visit friends or take whirlwind weekend getaways with my boyfriend.
And probably most important, I am lucky that in my stumbling pursuit to “figure it out,” I managed to walk face first into a really really great guy who, for whatever reason, enjoys spending the same obnoxious amount of time with me as I do with him. Seeing his stuff in this house – our house – yesterday, made me realize how hard it will/would be for us to ever leave this place. I’m building a life with someone, and for as tacky as it may seem, I’ve never been happier about it. In all of life’s uncertainty, he gives me the reassurance NOT that it’s all going to be alright, but that we’re in it all together, for better or worse. It’s comforting to know that someone is on your side, and the fact that I get to be there for someone else and make someone else happy makes me so ridiculously giddy I could puke up a rainbow.
I caught the end of Post Grad yesterday, a movie where Alexis Bledel plays a recent college graduate whose picture perfect dreams don’t work out the way she’d planned. It’s pretty cliche, and though I think it’s about time someone made a movie about the post-college trials and tribulations, I think it’s a far stretch to think we all find the perfect Hollywood ending with the man of our dreams like she did. But I did take away an awesome quote that essentially inspired this post. Someone said to her,
“What you do with your life is only one half of the equation.
The other half – the more important half – is who you’re with when you’re doing it.”
As tacky as it sounds, I’m really happy. And I really have no idea what the future holds for me – it’s hard to think past today, next week or next year. But I do know that in this moment, I am so blessed. And I hope that it stays this way – that these people stay in my life and that I get to stay in theirs, that I am able to make Rob as happy as he makes me, and that one day I can make enough money to drive a BMW and make regular visits to Florida. Or something like that 🙂