I was asleep. Well, I wasn’t asleep. But I was trying. And my mind is running circles around my emotions, lapping them the same way I get lapped by most runners during a race. So what do I do? Pull the MacBook out from under my bed, pull myself out from under my covers and lay here in my pajamas checking Facebook. Oh, but wait… you mean Facebook doesn’t calm the racing thoughts? Doesn’t end the race? Well, damn. So my next resort? Blogging.
Instead of addressing the real issues in my life, I’m going to simply address those things which do not matter in the slightest, but are of the utmost importance. You’ll all realize what I’m talking about in a minute, here. Thoughts:
Grocery shopping on a Saturday morning has to be the worst punishment God has ever bestowed upon the bare-fridged 20-something. I just want some damn turkey, produce, chocolate and wine. Oh, and coffee to cure the already pounding headache I have from the night of drinking that preceded this disastrous shopping experience. Gather every hyper-active soccer mom, every clueless man with a shopping list, every visually impaired elderly person and every ankle-biting, snotty kid into one building where everyone has the same mission with a different way of accomplishing it. The only comfort I seek is hibernating by the Starbucks counter chatting with the ladies who know me as a regular until the madness has tapered to a minimal chaotic scene, and I can safely make it through the wine aisle in peace.
To all married women, or those with live-in partners: hate sharing the bed with your loving bedmate who, halfway through the night, finds you to be an acceptable body pillow and drool platform? Try sleeping with a 70 pound dog who wouldn’t understand what “your side of the bed” meant if you cut the damn bed in half. I also have leaves in my bed. Yes, leaves. Does your partner bring leaves into your bed? My four-legged one does. And thanks to crunchy leaf season, they’ve broken into tiny pieces and I can’t get them out.
I have no holiday decorations in my house. Instead, I have more leaves from the dog. And socks – half of which are the dog’s, and half of which are the ones she’s dragged out from my actual sock drawer. The interesting part though, is that despite how lazy I am in picking up the good socks, she knows the difference, and after dragging the good ones to what one would assume is an inevitable death by slobber, she just leaves them on the floor. I love it.
The current television lineup is proof of why I tend to go out a lot. Not only is there nothing worth watching on tv (come on, the Jersey Shore is over…what the hell do I do now?), I am seriously concerned about becoming addicted to shows like Cake Boss, one of the many CSI’s, or a show about little people living in a big world. I keep trying to figure out when being a “little person” entitled you to a reality show. Why don’t I have a show yet?
I was Snooki for Halloween this year. Maybe a bit overdone – I’ll give you that. But more discouraging was the “badge” I received from FourSquare for checking in somewhere on Halloween weekend and getting the message “Happy Halloween – here’s to hoping you came up with a better costume than the Jersey Shore.” ….um, shit. I was only mildly disgruntled.
I have this terrible fascination with Ke$ha, and I have no idea where it came from. I like her better than Taylor Swift – mainly because she sings (or talks, with white girl ghetto attitude) about more than some jerk breaking her heart. You go, Ke$ha. Keep talkin’ that blah blah blah.
I would really like to hire someone to job hunt for me. Please gather my references, perfect my resume and even go on the interview for me. I’ll be sure to show up on day 1, I swear. I’ll also give you my first paycheck.
I think I’ve said this before, but the point still stands. Do not bite the hand that feeds you. Be nice to your morning coffee barista. Be considerate of your wait staff. And most certainly do not address a customer service representative with a bad attitude. I will tell you from personal experience that I have a tendency to bend over backwards for the customers who are nicest to me – the considerate ones who know that laughing is sometimes the only way to get through a day. Be one of those people.
No one is better than anyone. You make life choices – some are good, some are bad, but in the end – every choice is yours. It’s not better or worse than someone else’s just because it’s different. The same goes for religion, politics and personal choices. If people in this country – both on a personal local level for me and on a mass scale – could figure this out, we’d all be better off. And I wouldn’t be sick of half the people I know.
I love cheesecake. Love it.
…I’m sorry, did you need more explanation for why I love cheesecake?
Sometimes, playing “fluffy bunny” with your friends is all you need to bring you back down to good, clean fun. Stuff your face full of as many marshmallows as you can, and then try to say “fluffy bunny.” If you don’t laugh, you’re dead inside.
and i’m spent.