As someone who is consistently bitter, cynical, jaded and otherwise what I like to call pretty fucking realistic about life, I should also note that I often love and hate really hard, especially when it comes to the people in my life that I care about. I don’t like it when my friends and family are hurting, and even more so, I hate that I sometimes let myself become too immersed in their problems and not enough in my own.
Lately, I’ve been the queen of stretching myself too thin. If “I need a drink before I deal with anymore bullshit” was a place on FourSquare, I would be the mayor and dutifully tote my crown. But it’s not a place on FourSquare, it’s a shitty position I have somehow found myself in. In light of such, I am posting a public service announcement to any and all people I might ever come into the contact with. I apologize if you’re vain enough to think I’m referencing you specifically. I’m not that passive aggressive, and I’m not afraid to name drop in my blog. Quite frankly, you should probably consult this post before ever seeking advice or support from me ever again.
Number one. I am not your psychologist. I am your friend. There’s a fine line, I realize. And the fine line is a bloody paycheck. I don’t get paid to listen to your problems, I do it because I care. So when you drive yourself in circles and rehash the same details of your life six million times in an attempt to make sense of something that is clearly black and white, my brain starts to hurt. My liver starts to ache for more wine, and I lose interest. When I start saying “it is what it is,” then you know I’m no longer listening.
Number two. I will HELP you help yourself. I will not do it for you. I am not your crutch. I cannot help you if you only want me to be here while you continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. I realize that this might be in poor taste given that I may care about you, but there’s only so long I can listen to you crying wolf before I let the wolf eat your face off and say “I told you so.”
Number three. Arrogance is the worst quality one can possibly possess, especially when you press it upon everyone you know. Even worse is arrogance accompanied by a complete lack of social awareness and the unwavering need to be right about everything.
Number four. It is not my job to pick up your mess. Your lack of ability to function in the real world and as a grown adult is your own issue. You may be fun to be around, hang out with and otherwise be Chatty Kathy with, but when your lack of responsibility starts to affect my life, we have a problem.
Number five. There comes a point in time when flaunting all that you have in your life, whether it be your money, your relationships, your freedom from the real world, etc., no longer makes me jealous of your lifestyle, but rather sorry for you that you honestly think those things will fulfill your life. Do I hate my job sometimes? Yes. Do I wish I didn’t have a mortgage or an electric bill higher than a month’s worth of your bar tabs? Of course. Do I wish I had someone to go home to and watch bad television with? Maybe, on occasion. But flaunting your dependency on these things to get you by in life doesn’t make me want what you have. It makes me appreciate how much my life fucking blows sometimes, so that I might enjoy the high point of the rollercoaster.
Number six. While I firmly stand by my tendency to live by the policy, “It’s better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission,” it’s a statement that doesn’t always hold true. Sometimes, you should ask for permission. Sometimes, you should think before you act. If you think this applies to you, it probably does.
Number seven. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. And if you change your mind, it’s okay – as long as you communicate it. This is the most difficult concept for mankind to grasp. Failure to communicate is the result of insecurity and fear of what someone else will think. Honesty – however hurtful or hard it might be to face – is always better than a lie or a passive aggressive comment, and it’s a hell of a lot better than acting in a way that is completely different from the words that come out of your mouth.
Number eight. In reference to number seven, actions speak louder than words. A lot louder. If you say one thing, but act like a total asshole, I’m going to think you’re an asshole – both for acting like one, and for telling me differently. You will end up alone and friendless if you can’t translate your thoughts into action. And you’ll feel completely stifled for 90% of your life.
Number nine. Grow up. I know, I know …coming from me, this sounds pretty harsh, given that I have the real world mentality of a thirteen year old girl at the mall. While I think we should all be professionally growing up at this age, what I really mean here is you have to mature the way you deal with your emotions and the people around you. White trash arguments are frowned upon, and just because you had too many shots doesn’t make it okay. Also frowned upon is the inconsistent manner in which you treat friends, family and people you otherwise “care” about. Intentionally hurting people’s feelings, doing things to make people angry and seeking revenge over the petty things in life doesn’t make you genuine or real. It makes you childish. This follows suit with the whole actions speak louder than words thing. I realize that the black and white fades to grey when you’re older, and things aren’t always as clear as we’d like them to be, but you have to adapt. You have to.
Number ten. I don’t care if you don’t work. I don’t care if you do work. I don’t care if you sleep all day, or wake up at 6:00 a.m. to play My Little Pony with your cat in your basement – you need something to get up for each morning. If you don’t, then why bother getting up at all? And I’m not talking about physically getting out of bed – I’m talking about preparing your mind for something each day. You need a purpose. We don’t all know what ours is, and some of us (myself included) are lost as fuck in search of what we think our purpose is, but the point is that we’re looking. Everyone should be looking, exploring and probably loving, hurting, crying and laughing in the process. If you’re not, then your heart is shut down, mundane and dead. And no one will like that.
I’m officially out of breath. I don’t have all the answers. Really, I have very few. The problem is that I care about people, which often results in over extending myself at the expense of my own health and well-being. Please know that I love everyone in my life, I just can’t tolerate your consistent inconsistencies and total disregard for reality sometimes.