Those of you who have kept up with my blog (or stalked me on Facebook) know that I bought a house. Well, after over a month of renovations, I’ve officially moved in. And by moved in, I mean that my bed is the only thing recognizable from my old life in my apartment. The rest is scattered aimlessly around the house in American Eagle bags, boxes and huge trashbags (a clear sign that I have way too many clothes). Since I’ve decided that unpacking is quite frankly the only thing worse than having ALL of my teeth ripped out without Novocain, I decided to take a moment and reflect on the fact that I’m sitting here with two dogs on my bed, eating a carryout box of mashed potatoes and realizing that, despite the desperate attempts I’ve made at trying to grasp reality and the real world, I am completely and utterly alone, and totally unaware of what to do with myself.
If you read story books or watch movies growing up, you notice that all the stories work out the same. In this country, the cliche way to grow up is to go to school, find a passion or a dream, chase it in college, land the dream job, find the guy or girl of your dreams, save up, buy a house, get married, have kids and then spend numerous years buying matching outfits for your children and finding the most obnoxious holiday sweater to make your dog wear for your annual Christmas photo (ok, so those last two are optional). Sure, stories and movies show us how the main character falters, makes a few poor choices and learns from his or her mistakes, only to triumph on top and find the silver lining in the cloud.
What no one ever makes movies or stories about though, are those of us who aren’t able to live our lives that way. The ones who are doing things out of order, making more than just a few poor choices, and have more heartbreak and disappointment than any of our parents or teachers ever prepared us for. Movies aren’t made about the girl sitting on her bed eating a carryout box of mashed potatoes. About the people who, time after time, don’t get what they want. There are millions of people out there who are waiting for their good karma, their good fortune, or just a stroke of anything other than bad luck. There are thousands of us sitting at home, in bars or at restaurants wondering how good fortune seems to strike all the wrong people.
What do you do when you’re one of those people? One of those people who, no matter how hard you try or how many right decisions you think you’re making, can’t seem to get it right? Who justify their unhappiness in the most absurd of ways, surround themselves with people constantly, only to feel more alone than they thought they were to begin with? What if you’re one of those people who loves without love, dances without passion, laughs without tears and cries without feeling?
It always seems like the ones who surround themselves with people all the time, the life of the party, the good time, the one who has all the fun…it always seems like those are the ones who feel more alone than ever.
Can someone please write this person’s story?