This is our decision, to live fast and die young,
We’ve got the vision, now let’s have some fun.
-MGMT, “Time to Pretend”
In the past few months, I have learned the following things about myself:
*I am a much better person when given the opportunity to be independent and self-sufficient. Hence, my recent decision to get an apartment. House-warming party details will be posted later.
*I have some of the worst spending habits in the world. I cleaned out my purse the other day, and found an entire layer of receipts plastered to the bottom of my bag. Some keywords that might be posted on said receipts include Bud Light, Panera, Chipotle, Softrock, Frickers, Friday’s, Bargo’s, BW3’s, Applebee’s, Starbucks, American Eagle, Long Island, etc. etc. You get the idea. Fortunately (and unfortunately), my spending habits will automatically be curbed due to the above bullet about the apartment. I’ll be living off kraft mac and cheese, salad, tuna and cheap beer.
*I should no longer read books that include fantasy situations, Harry Potter primarily being one of these. It only makes me more upset that I don’t have a wand, the ability to apparate or a snowy white owl. And let’s face it, the fact that I often call people “The Dark Lord” and “He/She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” has probably lost me a lot of friends (or dignity) over the past few years.
*I am becoming a much bigger comic book/sci-fi nerd than I ever thought I could be. I’m now obsessed with X-men, Spiderman and Batman. This recent phase may or may not have been spurred by Hugh Jackman’s aesthetic awesomeness in Wolverine.
*I no longer have any desire to help people who do not want to be helped, or who are incapable of helping themselves. Typically, it hurts me to see friends upset, but when you are incapable of taking sound, reasonable advice to better your own life, then I lose interest.
*I’m learning that I should not invest too much trust in any one individual. I grew up with good friends, a great family and the belief that honesty and trust were a given in human contact. After expanding my social network, I have learned that not everyone holds trust on the same pedestal that I do.
*I’ve lost touch with good music, and therefore a large part of myself. Hopefully this dying fire will be revived when I go see Third Eye Blind in a month.
*Gossip, worrying about finals and sharing last night’s bar tales have been replaced with serious conversations that I hoped I’d never have to have, let alone at age 22. I suppose this is just proof that the world continues to turn, and God continues to place obstacles in our paths to test our strength.
*Speaking of God, I’ve also allowed this adventure to fall flat on its face. I haven’t been to church since I got home in November. This needs to change, especially because I know it makes me a better person when I go. At least I think so.
*I cannot and will not accept that marriage is okay right now. A lot of this stems from the idea that I’m mentally not in a place to be given this opportunity. I am so happy for all of my friends who are married, getting engaged and/or married within the very near future. I envy the fact that you’ve found that someone you want to spend forever with, and that you’ve been able to move on to that part of your life with such ease and happiness. However, I cannot fathom the idea of marriage, and it therefore makes it very difficult for me to talk about it, embrace it and otherwise celebrate it. Unless, of course, an open bar is provided. I would much rather drink at dive bars, make poor choices and kiss cute boys.
*I want to get paid to write blogs. Just like this one. I wish this could exist for me.
I think that’s all for now. Enjoy.